Wednesday, September 29, 2004

WWFAD?

Yesterday I erupted in anger and disappointment over a political email sent to me by a friend. I don't want to go into details and who was right, who was wrong -- but because of this I quit a book group I've been part of for the last three years. Now I am feeling like I did the evening the ocean spit me back - in shock, wondering how did things take such a bad and unexpected turn.

So my question now is the same as it was the night of my ocean adventure -- what do I do to pass the time while I am in shock, grief, feeling battered, wondering should I beat myself up or not for bad judgment?

Hence the title of this entry: What Would Father Alberione Do? Like the WWJD question, I wonder. All I can think of is what not to do - don't act on my anger, don't feel sorry for myself, don't strain too hard to fix a rupture that is so fresh, don't keep telling myself that I was right and they were wrong. That's irrelevant to what do I do now -- although ultimately it is not irrelevant to how I communicate myself to the world. But it's irrelevant to what I do with these feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger.

Oremus. All I really can do is exist and be present to reality. Be present to God, Whom I dare not bring into the argument even in my own mind, lest I do Him the grave injustice (self-idolatry really) of conflating my will with His, or shrinking His will to my own puny dimensions. In other words, I think I had (have, because it's not over) the right of the argument, I don't know how that affects what I do now with the fallout from the abrupt rupture with friends.

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